Auld Lang Syne

Once again the time has come for me to do a quick reflection of how I would like 2011 to be remembered.

And once again I can’t recall the adjective I’ve used to describe 2010 or the years before. I’ve had hundreds of posts ever since I started blogging and yes, I chose to privatise them. Believe it or not, I don’t read them. Maybe one day, when I’m old and grey.

One thing for sure, 2011 has been the toughest. There were a lot of battles to be fought and abandoned. Right from the start till finish (well almost). But there was a short period of tranquillity – and that’s how I would like to remember 2011.

And the story goes like this, Boy looks for Girl, Boy likes Girl, Girl likes Boy, Girl & Boy dated, Girl & Boy loved.

“Maybe this is just some stupid romantic South American idea, but I need you to understand-darling, for you, I am even willing to suffer. Whatever pain happens to us in the future, I accept it already, just for the pleasure of being with you now. Let’s enjoy this time. It’s marvelous.”

This I kept saying in my heart each time we met because all along I had accepted the fact that nothing’s ever certain and whatever happens – I am already eternally grateful for the fact that – Someone loved me for who I am. That moment of acceptance was just surreal. Given the circumstances and trials in addition to the person that I was and I am – that very leap of faith was indeed a brave one.

For the longest time, I thought I couldn’t love again. Boy, I was wrong. I loved like I’ve never loved before.

“When you have only two minutes to say good-bye to the person you love most in the world, and you don’t know when you’ll see each other again, you can become logjammed with the effort to say and do and settle everything at once.” 

The other side of it came from a special group of friends. I must say I have quite a few real friends to be so damn proud of. Friends who never gave up on me, who were there through my thick(s) and thin(s), whom I shared my joy and happiness with. And of course, when the need arises I will do just the same for them and more.

That aside, there are major fixes to be done for 2012. I need to re-evaluate what I had sought out to do. What to keep, what to tweak, what to drop and what to add. I guess quite a bit would fall under the drop zone simply because I need additional mental and physical strength to cope with the rest.

Lastly, lo and behold – my goal for 2012 – Keep it simple.

Hence, this entry will probably be the last for this year or…..maybe forever.

Who knows?

“By unnerving definition, anything that the heart has chosen for its own mysterious reasons it can always unchoose later—again, for its own mysterious reasons.” 

 

I Pray

that you’ll find what you seek…

 

Thank You

If the sun refused to shine, I would still be loving you.
When mountains crumble to the sea, there will still be you and me.
Kind man, I give you my all, Kind man, nothing more.
Little drops of rain whisper of the pain, tears of loves lost in the days gone by.
My love is strong, with you there is no wrong,
Together we shall go until we die. My, my, my.
An inspiration is what you are to me, inspiration, look… see.
And so today, my world it smiles, your hand in mine, we walk the miles,
Thanks to you it will be done, for you to me are the only one.
Happiness, no more be sad, happiness….I’m glad.
Little drops of rain whisper of the pain, tears of loves lost in the days gone by.
My love is strong, with you there is no wrong,
Together we shall go until we die.
If the sun refused to shine, I would still be loving you.
When mountains crumble to the sea, there will still be you and me.

 

Breathe

Short post-mortem of my experience in Bali. First two days was kind of sluggish for me especially since it was that time of the month. The weather exacerbated it further. Thank goodness for the good accommodation, especially the toilet, albeit the faulty aircon in the morning but I could still sleep nevertheless. The mood started picking up on the 2nd night I felt, after catching the sunset and fire dance and waking up early next morning all excited for water rafting. I just enjoy new activities in general. To be honest Kuta was like ECP + Holland Village except that the waves are better and the food cheaper. What made the whole trip great was definitely the company I had. These guys were full of shit, literally as well, and we had a lot of unforgettable moments especially while rafting. I’m still hoping for my version of Eat Pray Love there (lol). Next year probably?

I’m already thinking of trips for next year actually. I absolutely adore Thailand. It feels very homely. Many a times the locals think that I’m one of them but even if you’re not they treat you with great respect and hospitality. Shortlisted a few places: Chiang Rai, Cebu, Da Nang and might even consider Gunung Datuk as recommended by a friend. We’ll see.

That aside, I’ve been thinking a lot about the self lately. How I’ve fared not only as a person per se but in the many roles I have. The most pertinent being the daughter. Probably there are some truths in my mom’s words but I really beg to differ for most of it. Our world views are such a contrast I really do not know how to reconcile those differences at times. 

Thinking about my resolution last year, I’ve fared the worse the one area namely vulgarities. I’ve seen an exponential increase in the usage over the past few months it’s so unbecoming although no one have actually told me off yet but I just feel that way or maybe I’m over thinking. I hope I don’t blurt it out in the office though for I know the tolerance level can be rather low.

There’s so much to look forward to next year I feel. 

I just hope not to lose myself in midst of it all.

 

 

Quote-Worth

“But who can say what’s best? That’s why you need to grab whatever chance you have of happiness where you find it, and not worry about other people too much. My experience tells me that we get no more than two or three such chances in a life time, and if we let them go, we regret it for the rest of our lives.“

“I’m not downplaying the significance of falling in love. On the contrary, it’s a major, important thing. In my experience, there’s never been an “a-ha!” moment for love. It’s subtle and growing. It doesn’t just show up on your doorstep one day. I think people really give this moment too much power.”

“Why do we always question whether or not we actually do love someone? Why can’t we just accept it as is? If you think you love someone, chances are you probably do. That’s it. Why do we build it up so much?”

“Stop feeling sad for no reason. Stop feeling a vague sense of melancholy, something that you aren’t able to pinpoint but you know is there.”

“There are bridges I have burned out of necessity. Yours was simply abandoned, left untended for years until weeds grew through it and the railing fell apart and it became something you might take a black-and-white picture of, but you could never cross again. It was unsafe, destroyed by neglect. And that hurt more — to see something just erode into oblivion is so much more brutal than to cover it with gasoline and to toss a match on it. “

“My life began to continue, and your peripheral existence didn’t factor in. I was happy without it, and the fact that you weren’t a part of everything was no longer a tangible hole needing to be filled.”

Eat.Pray.Love —> next up!

 

Sawatdee!

I shall give a 3.5/5 for the whole experience. The tickets were only booked 4 days prior to the trip – it should cost me at least $300 more. I had to settle for an agent – not to stress myself up and for safety reasons.

Thai Airways – I enjoyed flying with them. I love how elegant the stewardesses were and of course their food. I have been on SQ and SilkAir but this one wins hands down. My favourite was the triple deck sandwich – one with cheese, one with a tomato based sauce and one with corn custard.

The Weather – the only time I perspired was in the early afternoon at Pai. Going to Pai was the best decision I made. The weather could be quite extreme at times but it was worth the 3hr ride up. I was especially thrilled at midnight where I could see vapour coming out as I speak (thanks to the boy for highlighting that to me). Stargazing and spotting one shooting star was quite a sight too.

Activities – I didn’t do as much activities as I would love to looking at the time constraints. Didn’t want to tire ourselves too much. But I must say, I thoroughly enjoyed all the activities – the elephant camp, bamboo rafting, Doi Inthanon (waterfalls, villages and highest peak), Pai’s canyon, hot spring among others. It was really a wealth of experience and knowledge. And of course, my camera must have missed me dearly so I did take quite a bit of photographs, where it’s worth.

Accomodation – We stayed at a 4 star hotel at Chiang Mai and a simple chalet-like resort in Pai. I prefer the latter as we had Wifi! I had to purchase Wifi credit at the hotel. That was ridiculous! So now I know – never to stay in these hotels again.

Food – One of the considerations we had during the course of planning was food. My friend was a bit more particular about halal food than I was so I did a little bit of research online and made sure that we could get some over there. It was slightly tougher at Bangkok the previous time but this time round halal food was abundant so our meals were well taken care of. And it was cheap. Each person will only have to fork out maximum $4 for a full dinner. The food was amazing I tell you. Ate so much spices but the stomach still kept its cool. They really prepare the spices from scratch – that explains the 30mins wait for the Tom Yam and green curry to be prepared. But it was definitely worth the wait.

Friends – We made plenty of friends there – the Thais, a Hungarian couple, a Finnish businessman, 2 funny Italian men, a retired Swedish man – all with bucket loads of travel experience and interesting personalities. The Finnish businessman could guess my profession as he saw how curious I was in the Finnish education model. It was simple he said – no private schools = smaller gap. How true.

The Bike – We were looking forward to it but sitting on the fence so at Pai when we bumped into the boy and his friends I decided to do a test ride. I had to persuade the boy prior to that of course. He was reluctant initially but it was so sweet of him to hang around and entertain us and I was definitely elated to bump into him.

All in all, Thailand was lovely =)

 

On Cloud 9

 

Trippy!

December’s gonna be awesome. After years of studying and what nots and repaying my dad’s debt for my uni fees and of course negotiating with my parents successfully (alhamdullilah) , I can finally say – I am gonna travel baby!

My peers are definitely way ahead of me but at least I get the joy of travelling using my own savings over the years and it’s never too late!

Gonna start small – Chiang Mai and Bali! That’s two trips for me! Wooohoo~

soon enough – I’ll be conquering the world!

and Life begins <3

 

Rumour Has It

I just love how it spreads like wildfire. They don’t ask, they assume. I’ll just sit back and watch as they go on with their trivial assumptions.

There’s a whole lot of difference between between being lonely and being alone. Now now, do I really need to distinguish between the two?

I’m really enjoying every minute of this ‘freedom’ now. It doesn’t come by often.

“Whatever happens tomorrow, we had today, I’ll always remember it”

 

 

Once

“you have suffered enough, and you’ve warred with yourself,

it’s time that you won”